Wombats everywhere

people suck at transphobia

i’m in the middle of an email exchange right now in which i pointed out to an acquaintance that saying that she only wants to live with “female-bodied women” is transphobia and housing discrimination.  the exchange started when i told her that i didn’t feel like i could forward an ad that conatained this language, and has sort of devolved into an example of all the thing to not do when talking about transphobia.  she has:

1) compared gender and race as if they operate the same way, as if, as a black woman, her relationship to transgender women is the same as it is to white women

2) defended herself by saying that she has done lots of work on trans inclusion in other spaces in the past

3) not actually addressed any of the specific points about why “female-bodied” is both an oppressive and flawed construct

4) used all sorts of ridiculous academic speak to try and distinguish her actions from transphobic discrimination

5) talked about how she wants to protect trans women from her neighborhood, which she doesn’t think is safe specifically for transgender women

it’s been super shocking to have this conversation with this woman because of #2.  i’m glad that we’re talking, and it is all of the academic and organizing that she’s done around trans stuff that makes it possible to work with her, but i am still floored.

it’s made me think about what the ideal response is to unintentional transphobia.  i mean, clearly someone saying, “Oh, yes, I want to be a trans ally and will go work on that shit on my own” is the A+, gold star response.  But people generally aren’t that self-reflexive. 

i think the second best response, then, is “yes, that is motivated out of transphobia, but, because of my/our/this institutions transphobia, we do not want transgender women around and are willing to accept our own douchebaggery.”  i mean, really, at least be up front about it.  maybe it makes me a bad activist, but i just hate doing this work for people who are supposed to be trans allies.

Watching my sister talk to her idol. So proud of her.

Sometimes I randomly think this

Why is so much “diversity training” an excuse to hate on marginalized people?  Thinking back on all the trainings I’ve ever had to sit through, this always seems to happen and always always sucks.